Social Development

Everyone is a part of different social groups: Your family, your friends, your classmates, your neighbors, your teammates. How you act in those situations is incredibly important.

• This probably isn't a surprise, but how you act is determined in large part by how your parents raised you. This is partly related to the Attachment (see Emotional Development), but it's also tied to their parenting style. There are typically four styles:
  • Authoritative: Parents have rules, but the kids understand and follow them
  • Authoritarian: Parents have strict rules and the kids have little freedom (and aren't happy about it)
  • Permissive/Indulgent: Parents let the kids get a way with a lot
  • Neglectful/Disengaged: Parents aren't really involved with their kids

Every parent (or caregiver) is a mix of these styles over the course of your life, but will usually have one style they use more often. You may also see teachers use similar styles to control their classes.

• Another thing that can affect social skills is how your family is set-up. First-born children act differently than middle children. Having brothers makes you act different than if you had sisters. If you have one parent, two parents, two grandparents, a foster family, a stay at home parent or two parents that work. If you're White or Black or Hispanic or Asian. If you're rich or poor. If you're religious or not. All these things affect how you may act in social situations. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and there is no right or wrong way to have a family, but different families will affect you in different ways.
  • Divorce sucks. Even in the rare occasion that parents are better apart than married, it's still complicated and serious and difficult for everyone. School counselors are there to listen, don't be afraid to talk to someone if things get tough! You don't win any awards for suffering in silence.
• Having peers (people your own age or maturity level) is very important for your development, and will affect how you feel about yourself when you get older. You can fit into one of several social statuses with your peers:
  • Popular - Lots of people like you, few people dislike you
  • Neglected - Many people dislike you
  • Rejected - Most people dislike you
  • Controversial - Liked by many and disliked by many

"Popular" here is not the same as how you might describe the popular kids at school. Many times the popular kids at school actually aren't very nice. Unfortunately, life is just sort of that way.

Bad advice

• Bullying: I think this is one of the biggest issues in schools right now. Teachers don't know what's bullying and what's normal adolescent interactions. Students don't realize the horribly damaging long-term consequences of their actions. So, let's cover a few basic facts:
  • Bullying is physical, verbal, or social attacks, including sexual harassment and homophobia
  • Unfortunately, adults rarely intervene in bullying
  • At least 25% of kids report being bullied. And these are just the kids that admit it.
  • A large majority of bullying is connected to students who are, or are suspected to be, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgendered. More information can be found on the Youth Pride Inc. Website.

Bullying is not OK. Recently there has been a large number of teen suicides that have been connected to bullying. This is not about making kids "tougher" or preparing them to deal with the hardships of life. It is hurting them to the point that they would rather be dead than continue living it. It needs to stop, and teachers and parents and society in general has to come together and figure out the best way to do that. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Mr. Baker does not tolerate bullying. If you wouldn't say something to him, then do not say it to other students in the hallway.
2. Don't be a bully. There are numerous other ways to prove yourself than to put someone else down.
3. If you think that someone else is being bullied but no teachers are addressing it, say something privately to a teacher or counselor that you trust. These people are here to help students.